Positive Attributes of Becoming Man and Wife

Prince William and Kate Middleton as man and wife

This is the third part of a three part series on marriage. How important this institution is to our society. There are many positive attributes of becoming man and wife which reminds me of a song I heard as a youth. It’s called There is Love or Wedding Song by Paul Stookey, who was part of the famous Peter, Paul and Mary trio. I always felt shivers down my back whenever I heard this song.

There is Love

Paul Stookey

He is now to be among you at the calling of your hearts
Rest assured this troubadour is acting on His part.
The union of your spirits, here, has caused Him to remain
For whenever two or more of you are gathered in His name
There is Love,
there is Love.

Well a man shall leave his mother and a woman leaves her home
They shall travel on to where the two shall be as one.
As it was in the beginning is now and til the end
Woman draws her life from man and gives it back again.
And there is Love,
there is Love.

Well then what's to be the reason for becoming man and wife?
Is it love that brings you here or love that brings you life?
For if loving is the answer, then who's the giving for?
Do you believe in something that you've never seen before?
Oh there is Love,
there is Love.

Oh the marriage of your spirits here has caused Him to remain
For whenever two or more of you are gathered in His name
There is Love,
There is Love.

There are many positive attributes of becoming man and wife.  First, there is a closeness which married couples feel towards each other that cannot be felt with anyone else.  Second, married couples can create children which are a part of each of them and third, for the most part there is a peace and contentment in life.

Closeness: If one has never been in a married relationship then the understanding of this closeness might not be seen at a positive attribute.  Human beings need positive, close ties to other humans and marriage fulfills that need.

Children: This positive attribute seems like an obvious one but for those who are married the need to create offspring is a token of love between man and wife. This is a great blessing although a great challenge as well to raise good children.

Contentment: Even with disagreements between couples there still is a certain amount of contentment humans can feel in a marriage relationship with the right person. The knowledge of a committed relationship brings peace and security for both in the relationship.  It’s work in progress to be sure, but none the less a wonderful way to spend your life.

 With the war of words for the institution of marriage, the ongoing battle to keep this important aspect of our society stands strong. There are positive attributes of being man and wife which encourages and sets an example for our youth who are struggling with decisions of whether to get married or not.  As the song above says, the reason to bring two souls together in matrimony is because of love. The love we feel for each other as human beings.

Is Marriage Becoming Obsolete?

Part 2 of a 3 Part Series....

There is no nice way to say this: families are under attack from all over the world.  Media executives might pussy-foot around the truth of the topic but let’s face facts: Families have not been considered a sacred institution for over ten years.

Case in point: A study done by the Pew Research Center shows the changing dynamics of the American family. It is no longer a mother and father couple but guardians or partners.  It is shown that 29 percent of children under the age of 18 now live with a parent or parents who are unwed or no longer married which according to the Pew Report released in November of 2010 shows an “fivefold increase from 1960”.

pendorelleco.org

Marriage is the concrete that keeps the family together. People who bring children into the world should be committed enough to stay together to raise them. The family is the foundation of our country and this should be the message for parents from all areas of life.

Hope Yen states in her article, No Love, No Marriage, from November 17^th, 2010 that “The changing views of family are being driven largely by young adults 18-29, who are more likely than older generations to have an unmarried or divorced parent or have friends who do.” 

Most Americans might see her thought as a valid one but if we take a closer look to where these ideals are coming from, the driven ideal that marriage is unnecessary, can be traced back to the media news and entertainment world.

We are bombarded by social mores from our own entertainment saying if we are unhappy then do what it takes to make ourselves happy, no matter what.  If we are unhappy in a marriage, get a divorce and find someone else.  If we are unhappy raising children, send them off to someone else.  Never mind getting help to stay and figure out how we can fulfill the roles we had originally chosen instead of giving up.

The creation of same sex-marriage has been in our society for years which has had a detrimental affect on marriage between a man and women. Society’s intellectuals tell us its okay to have both. From David Blankenhorn’s writings, The Future of Marriage, he says this: “One can believe in same-sex marriage. One can believe that every child deserves a mother and a father. One cannot believe both.”  This statement would send the liberal world screaming but it is true. Children need a mother and a father who will raise them with upstanding morals and righteous ideals.

From The Family: A Proclamation to the World it states: “Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness to provide for their physical and spiritual needs to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live.”

havegot.seesaa.net

From Family Watch International, its founder Sharon Slater says: “Social science research has conclusively proven that a strong family based on marriage between a man and a woman is the best environment to protect, nourish and develop individuals. This family structure provides significantly better outcomes than any alternative structure.”

Just from reading articles and blogs posted online, one can see that the mindset of those single adults discussing the topic of having to be married to be parents are completely different from 20 years ago when most of the world considered marriage an important step to parenthood.

The idea of committing oneself to a life with another scare those who have grown up with divorce as a way out but we must teach our children that divorce is not an option.  Marriage requires work at a relationship and this might be a dirty word to most but a necessary element to a healthy and long lasting marriage, but that is a whole other topic for our next article.....

For now, we must remember that we need to keep marriage in the forefront of our society.

Premarital Sex: Why Couples Should Wait.....

Part 1 of a 3 Part Series.....

Just recently I was reading from several different online websites of open discussions about whether couples should wait until they are married to sleep together or get right on with it. There are many opinions which surfaced and I was somewhat shocked with some of the answers.

For example: the question of “What good reason is there not to be intimate before being married?” was raised on Goodreads.com. 

by GregoryJordan.org

My answer was as follows: “What? The intimacy between a man and women bonds them together like nothing else on earth. You become one and if you sleep around with different partners it messes with your psyche. It causes insecurity and girls are just being used. Don't get sucked up into the media hype that sleeping around is fun. It is very difficult to protect from emotional tug of war. It causes a lot of emotional and physical problems including sexually transmitted diseases. Also no protection against pregnancy is 100%. You are playing with a child's life here. Is that enough reason not to?”

What followed was a whole discussion on this topic which posted opinions from it's no big deal to sleep with someone to a talk about the importance of being married.

On September 24^th 2012 there was an article posted on The Guardian by Jill Filipovic called “Why Sex Before Marriage is the Moral Thing To Do”. Any self-respecting parent would double take on that title and wonder where in the world did Jill Filipovic get that idea from?

As the article reads, Ms. Filipovic explains her ideals by giving opinions and “supporting facts” for her argument which are not backed up by any research or study.  The laughable statement that “95% of all Americans” have sex before marriage is unbelievable and that in her grandmother’s generation, nine out of ten couples did participate in sex before marriage.  I don't believe that for a minute.

I found my source of back up for what I believe:

In a new study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, researchers surveyed about 600 U.S. couples who were either married or cohabiting and found that couples who had waited longer to have sexual relations reported having better relationships.  

The study also found that the women who had sex within the first month of their relationship reported having less satisfying current relationships than the women who delayed sex, and the women who waited at least six months were the happiest of all.

The researchers from Cornell University stated, “A strong sexual desire may thwart the development of other key ingredients of a healthy relationship such as commitment, mutual understanding or shared values.”

Researchers also stated that “Good sex is sometimes confused with love; some couples overlook problematic aspects of their relationship that ultimately matter more in the long run.”

These findings support the advice many parents give to their daughters and that until recently virtually all societies reinforced—that once individuals in a relationship become physically intimate, it is often difficult to clearly judge the quality of the relationship or the character of one’s partner.  This is because when hormones are raging, judgment can be impaired. 

Research on a human hormone called oxytocin done primarily over the past decade also supports the wisdom of adhering to traditional values with regard to premarital sex.  In females, oxytocin acts to bond a mother to her baby during breastfeeding.  A woman’s body also produces oxytocin when she has sex, causing her to feel bonded to her sexual partner.  If a woman’s sexual partner is only looking for casual sex with no true commitment, a woman, particularly a young woman, may suffer emotional distress and even depression because her hormones cause her to desire a long-term commitment with her partner.

In addition, promiscuous sexual behavior, especially among adolescents whose brains are still developing, can actually alter brain development in ways that can make it more difficult for them to form long-term committed relationships and have successful marriages.  Most girls are completely unaware of how their bodies are hardwired and how sexual behavior may affect their brains and their future patterns of behavior. 

So not only are relationships better when sex is delayed as the Cornell study shows, but girls and women are happier when they delay sex until they are in committed relationships. 

The Cornell researchers advise, “Courtship is a time for exploration and decision-making about the relationship, when partners assess compatibility, make commitments and build on emotional and physical intimacy.  The rapid entry into sexual relationships may, however, cut short this process, setting the stage for ’sliding’ rather than ’deciding’ to enter co-habiting unions.”

There are some clear lessons here for developed nations and especially for developing countries. The biology of the human body, including the way our brains develop and the way our bodies produce hormones, does not necessarily change just because a society’s values or standards change.  In virtually all the developed nations the increasingly serious social problems they are confronting can be largely attributed to the breakdown in families as traditional family values are not just being ignored but often ridiculed.  There is an obvious connection.

As we have frequently reported, many developing countries are under increasing pressure from developed countries to change their laws and customs to accommodate elements of the “sexual rights agenda” and other so called “enlightened policies” that promote promiscuous behavior thereby undermining traditional family values.  

A major part of the work that Family Watch does at the international level is to help these developing nations resist this pressure from the developed countries that are trying to export their failed policies that have proven to lead to more problems, not less.

            So not only are relationships better when sex is delayed as the Cornell study shows, but girls and women are happier when they delay sex until they are in committed relationships. 

The Cornell researchers advise, “Courtship is a time for exploration and decision-making about the relationship, when partners assess compatibility, make commitments and build on emotional and physical intimacy.  The rapid entry into sexual relationships may, however, cut short this process, setting the stage for ’sliding’ rather than ’deciding’ to enter co-habiting unions."

I couldn't agree more!!!

So my case rests!!!!   For every woman who wants to have a healthy, happy relationship with a man--take my advice and get married.  It's much better for all involved.....