Tricks of the Trade for Large Families

 As I toted my nine children along to the store or some activity, notoriously I would always get this question: Are those all your children?  I would answer back with an enthusiastic “YES” and then go on to explain how they were from one husband and no twins. That really got their curiosity. I knew what they were thinking: “Why in the world would anyone have nine children on purpose?” Then the next thing they would say was: “I have (insert number less than 4) children and I don’t know how you do it.”

I would laugh to myself and try to come up with a snappy answer but after a while, I got tired of the snappy answers and just said: “I pray a lot”. This got me thinking about how larger families (and even smaller families) handle the day-to-day activity of their lifestyle without losing their minds.  There are a few “tricks of the trade” which I have discovered along the way which can help.

1. Pray and Read together:  This is the number one most important activity you can do with your family. Whether at night or in the morning, whatever works for your family, do it.   Praying and reading scripture verses together gives everyone incredible strength to carry on. You won’t be without problems but when conflict does arise, attitudes are different.  There is a calmness and strength over the home which helps each member of the family.

From The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints church leadership, Henry B. Eyring says this about family prayer: “Parents should teach their children to pray. The child learns both from what the parents do and what they say. The child who sees a mother or a father pass through the trials of life with fervent prayer to God and then hears a sincere testimony that God answered in kindness will remember what he or she saw and heard. When trials come, that individual will be prepared.”    https://www.lds.org/family/prayer?lang=eng

There is something about prayer and reading verses of scripture together that helps a family. It’s difficult to understand how it works but know that it has worked when we were actively praying and reading and is a testimony to me to keep doing it.

2. Talk together a lot: It is amazing how many families don’t do this especially with the onset of the internet, video games and tweeting.  Somehow talking together gets pushed aside or children are too enthralled by what they are playing to really have any conversation.  Talking at night is a great way to find out what happens at school instead of right after they get home. Teens are more open at night and their guard is down. Talking in the car also is a great time to get the communication going. Children are in a confined area and have no way to get out. Turn off the electronics and just start talking.

3.  Let all children participate in chores: I know sometimes this can be harder on the parents than on the children at first but if you start from the beginning at an appropriate age for chores, then this becomes a habit and one that children will appreciate eventually.  I have had numerous conversations with adults remembering when they were young with grandparents or parents doing some kind of chore together. Standing on a chair to wash dishes, folding laundry or pumping a well for water might have been mundane chores at the time but as adults those became cherished memories. Do yourself and favor and set up a chore chart or a time when everyone shares in the cleaning of the place where they live. Even if you have a housekeeper, children still need to know how to take responsibility for their own room and belongings.

4. Schedule Weekly Activities on Paper:  This is one of the best things we ever did with our children.  Each week when we sat together, we wrote the days of the week and added what we were doing on one single page and hung it up on the refrigerator. Piano recitals, sports games, school meetings, church activities, doctor’s appointments or whatever we were doing for that week was written under that day so we can check periodically what we were doing. With so many children going in so many directions, it was such a time savor and benefit to keep straight who was going where.  If anyone had a change or update, we could add to our weekly calendar.

Large families are fun and time consuming but very much worth the life spent together. Now my children are raising their own children and have the tools necessary to be successful in their own life and these good habits will be passed down through the generations.

Kindness Counts: Bullying is Unacceptable

 Ldsliving.com posted a story about bullying at church a few years ago.  I was mortified to read the details of this post as it made me feel sick to my stomach that children from families of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS Church) would do such a thing to each other in a church setting. If those who profess to be Christians are resorting to such behavior at church, how are they going to learn to treat others outside of church? 

 

It was heart wrenching to me to read many of the 149 comments posted after this story and wondered to myself what can we do as parents and church leaders about this growing inappropriate behavior at a place we call a house of worship?

(See:  http://www.ldsliving.com/story/76598-the-sad-truth-about-bullying-at-church?utm_source=ldsliving&utm_medium=email )

 

This bullying kind of behavior from adults and children need to stop and the perfect place we can start is at home. What kind of parent treats their own children unkindly?  What example can we set to help our children learn the importance of treating everyone with kindness as Christ would?  No matter how thick a skin we think we have, being mocked and ridiculed hurts and stays with us for a very long time. As a youth leader in my church, I have paid attention to the actions of other youth and realized their ideas come from home.

 1. Teach kindness at home: This is an ongoing lesson for many parents to teach their children but there are some insights you can show them to help them understand how hurtful they can be to others.

 A great family activity is to help children and parents understand the hurtfulness of name calling. Start with drawing of a person on paper. Life size or smaller, it does not matter. Name this person on paper. Then allow your children to write rude and inconsiderate words they would hear at school or church on this paper. Crinkle the paper up as if to throw it away and then open it up and flatten it out.  Discuss how others feel when they hear these words and relate it to the crinkled paper.  There are deep hurts involved and they are difficult to remove as the wrinkles in the paper are difficult to remove. Then create another person on paper and write kind and loving words on it. The kind of words we would like to hear.  Compliments, positive thoughts and other good words are to be included and commit each family member to try to use these words instead of the hurtful ones.

 2. Demand a “no-pranks rule” from leaders: Boys’ and girls’ camp are activities our youth look forward to every year. Youth Conference is also a special time for youth. What could be a wonderful experience for many youth can turn very ugly when pranks are played out at these activities.  I have seen this with my own eyes and what might seem harmless in the beginning will end up as the worst experience of summer camp or youth conference. Declare a prank free week during their activity and help leaders understand the importance of keeping this time prank free. Help them to understand how hurtful they are.  This is one of the “foolish traditions of our fathers” we hear so much about in scriptures. What good comes from scaring the wits out of someone, wetting beds with pitchers of water, blowing fog horns to wake everyone up in the middle of the night or a host of many other “tricks” youth or leaders play on each other?  No good can come from these activities.

 From one father: “The most enjoyable, successful, and spiritual camps that we know of have been those where my wife has been involved and pranks have been ‘outlawed’. There always seems to be hard feelings, at least at first, because some of the youth, their parents, and even some leaders take it personally or think no one will have any fun without any pranks or what I would call bullying (such as segregation by age, ward, or level). This has never been the case. Everyone has always had a much more enjoyable time without the immature pranks and stupidity.” Leaders would be wise in our youth activities to create a rule which is proactive in using no pranks at all.

 3. Council with Church Leaders: When problems arise, talk to Church leaders about what has happened and how this can be prevented or improved. With open lines of communication between leaders and parents bullying or unkind actions can be stopped. If you are a leader at church, then it’s in the best interest of the safety of our youth to take complaints seriously. There are different kinds of bullying including being excluded form the group. Those who struggle to feel welcome at church are often ignored but through the kindness of others can be included and made to feel comfortable.

 Joseph Worthlin, an LDS Church leader, spoke of kindness in life. He said “Kindness is the essence of a celestial life. Kindness is how a Christ-like person treats others.”

 (See: Worthlin, Joseph, “The Virtue of Kindness.” Ensign, May 2005)

 If church leaders and parents keep kindness as their watch word to guide youth in activities and classes, then this ugliness of bullying will stop.

 4. Remember our Greatest Example: The best example we can ever use with youth, parents and leaders is our Savior, Jesus Christ. He has set the precedent for kindness. From Joseph Worthlin’s talk again he says: “Jesus, our Savior, was the epitome of kindness and compassion. He healed the sick. He spent much of His time ministering to the one or many. He spoke compassionately to the Samaritan woman who was looked down upon by many. He instructed His disciples to allow the little children to come unto Him. He was kind to all who had sinned, condemning only the sin, not the sinner. He kindly allowed thousands of Nephites (people of the Book of Mormon) to come forward and feel the nail prints in His hands and feet. Yet His greatest act of kindness was found in His atoning sacrifice, thus freeing all from the effects of death, and all from the effects of sin, on conditions of repentance.

 There is no reason for unkindness anywhere especially at church where everyone professes to emulate the life of Christ. As Christians, we are all trying our best to live a good life and make good choices. Mixing in a bully’s torment to others is not a Christ-like life style. Bullying is unacceptable.

Parents with Moral Values Make Good Caretakers

 Over the past few years, an anti-family trend has developed in the European Union. This anti-family trend has affected parents who are attempting to teach moral ideals and religious practices to their children. The question has arisen to many there: Do moral parents make good caretakers?

In Europe, we can read of many examples of parents teaching their children religious and moral values. These instituted governments deny these parents rights to teach their children the importance of marriage between a man and women, bringing more children into the world and forcing certain health practices. Parents should be allowed to teach their children high moral values such as honesty, integrity and kindness as it is their God given right.

Sharon Slater, a family advocate who wrote, Stand for the Family, tells us: “These fundamental institutions and values that are so critical to any society are under increasing attack by UN agencies and treaties, unelected activist judges, politicians, special interest groups, much of the media and popular entertainment.”

Members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints have been encouraged by their leaders to teach and train their children to know moral, righteous values in word and indeed. From Elder Quentin L. Cook (One of 12 called apostles of the Lord) said in a General Conference talk of the LDS Church in October 2012:

“Parents, the days are long past when regular, active participation in Church meetings and programs, though essential, can fulfill your sacred responsibility to teach your children to live moral, righteous lives and walk uprightly before the Lord. With President Monson’s announcement this morning, (young men and young women age change to fill full time missions) it is essential that this be faithfully accomplished in homes which are places of refuge where kindness, forgiveness, truth, and righteousness prevail.

Parents must have the courage to filter or monitor Internet access, television, movies, and music. Parents must have the courage to say no, defend truth, and bear powerful testimony. Your children need to know that you have faith in the Savior, love your Heavenly Father, and sustain the leaders of the Church.”

Our world is losing the ideal of righteous behavior and our society is feeling the effects of that loss. With countless studies of information supporting the idea that parents should be teaching, persuading and demonstrating kindness, forgiveness and courage to their children, our society is moving away from that model. We need to remind ourselves how important this parental task is in our modern world.

President Thomas S. Monson, President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints said at the General Conference of the Church in April of 2008, “It is our duty to live our lives in such a way that we may be examples of righteousness.”

Our whole society is based on the goodness of others and how we treat each other.  If our children are not securely taught what is right from parents, our society will become violent and cruel, show a great decline for the work ethic and increase in foul language and disrespect for their elders. With positive teaching of moral responsibility, parents will save society from disintegration.

So to answer that question from the European Union: Yes, moral parents make wonderful caretakers and by training their children in righteousness, we help our society stay intact.

Miracles Still Happen

 In preparing for my daughter’s return from her 18-month mission years ago, we had been helping her accomplish her plans of going back to school. There were some stumbling blocks along the way but with determination and lots of prayer, we have accomplished this feat with many miracles.

 First, we live in Alabama and she had been accepted into Brigham Young University on the Idaho campus where she started her degree before her mission. We needed to get her there to start school on September 14^th.  With a limited budget for travel, we managed to find an airline ticket for under $200 to Salt Lake City and a ride from my brother’s house in Kaysville (30 miles from Salt Lake City) to Rexburg, Idaho where the school is located.

Next, we needed was to find a way to pay for her semester. After applying for a grant, she was able to acquire enough money for tuition and books for her schooling in the fall. All she had to do was to find a job when she got there and she would be on her way.

 The last requirement was to find a place for her to live. Many of the apartments were already full, but with a few last minute suggestions, we found a nice place that was still available for rent which also gave her a discount because of her mission service and it had a vegetable garden growing on the property shared by the students.  Wow. That was amazing. Miracles still happen.

Years ago, I needed two names to be cleared to take to the temple. For members of  The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints (LDS Church), we research family members that have passed on and then seal them together as a family by the power of the holy priesthood. There are some qualifications which apply, namely the person we do the work for must be born over 110 years ago otherwise we have to ask special permission. 

When my nephew found my grandparents’ two children who passed away before a year old on the newly digitalized indexed New York Death Index, I wanted to seal them together.  My grandparents had lost 5 of their 6 children when they were babies during the 1920’s because of a family illness that was passed on through our family line. It was a difficult time for my grandparents. but because of the sealing power of the priesthood, we could seal those children to them for eternity.

 I applied for permission to seal them together and then found out it took almost a month to get permission back by email. With so many people all applying for permission at the same time the family history department told me it would take a miracle to get the email back in one day. I was planning a trip to our local temple that week, which was four hours away, but with no permission I would have to wait. The next day I checked my email and there was the permission to seal them together done in one day.  Miracles still happen.

As a people, we all have read or heard of the miracles from biblical times.  These are widely accepted as truths but in today’s world this is not always the case.

 From a talk given in April of 2001 LDS Church General Conference, Sydney S. Reynolds said this: “I believe that all of us can bear witness to these small miracles. We know children who pray for help to find a lost item and find it. We know of young people who gather the courage to stand as a witness of God and feel His sustaining hand. We know friends who pay their tithing (10% donation to the LDS Church) with the last of their money and then, through a miracle, find themselves able to pay their tuition or their rent or somehow obtain food for their family.” (See: Reynolds, Sydney S., “A God of Miracles,” Ensign, May, 2001)

 Miracles do happen today but we have to have faith in Jesus Christ to believe that if we put forth the effort and keep trying that all will work out for our good. This has been proven to be true so many times in many people’s lives.

 From our modern revelation, Doctrine and Covenants we read:

“8 For I am God, and mine arm is not shortened; and I will show miracles, signs, and wonders, unto all those who believe on my name.

 9 And whoso shall ask it in my name in faith, they shall cast out devils; they shall heal the sick; they shall cause the blind to receive their sight, and the deaf to hear, and the dumb to speak, and the lame to walk.

 10 And the time speedily cometh that great things are to be shown forth unto the children of men;” (D&C: 35:8-10)

 God does not want us to be hopeless and give up.  He wants us to try and keep trying. Miracles still happen today and every day. We need to remember when we have experienced miracles because that encourages us to be grateful. It is a great blessing to experience God's power in our life.

Living in the Good Ole US of A....

 I was so tired of listening to all those people who live here in the United States and just complain all the time how terrible it was to live in this wonderful country. This has been going on for years and it's about time to STOP!!

 

They are the loud mouths who want to move away, as well as all the news agencies that report to the rest of the world what a terrible place to live in the United States.

 Enter the FIFA World Cup! Video after video of Europeans, Japanese, Koreans, South Americans, Middle Eastern countries and Africa ranting about how wonderful it is to live in the United States:

(Copied from Jana Zelenka-Reed’ Facebook post)

 “Free public restrooms. Europeans pay every time.

Free water at every restaurant. Just appears.

Free refills. Coffee. Sodas. Iced tea. Unlimited.

Free chips and salsa before you even order.

Free warm bread with dinner.

Ice in drinks like civilized people.

Air conditioning everywhere. Not a moral debate. A fact.

Parking lots attached to the actual place you are going.

Drive throughs where the food comes to the car while you sit in it.

Ranch dressing by the gallon.

Tex-Mex & Texas BBQ that cannot be explained only experienced.

Buccee’s. There are no words for Buccee’s.

Texas High School Football Stadiums, with thousands of seats for fans

Then they found the grocery stores & Costco.

Five of them within one mile.

Each one the size of an aircraft hangar.

Burgers. Steaks. Brisket. Ribs. Pulled pork. Lamb. Veal. Every cut of every animal ever domesticated by human civilization available in one refrigerated aisle at any time of the day, any day of the week.

The Germans stood in the meat section for forty-five minutes.

In silence.

Processing.

They finally understand why we do not have trains.

We have roads wide enough for the cars we actually drive.

Parking lots the size of small European countries.

Airports in every city worth visiting.

The Germans are taking ranch home by the bottle.

The Dutch found queso and briefly lost the ability to speak.

The Japanese are photographing HEB like it is the Louvre.

The Czechs are weeping in West, Texas.

And most importantly HOSPITALITY! I smile with pride as I watch them talk about the kindness they have encountered from Americans! There truly is nothing compared to Southern Hospitality

Welcome to America! ”

We should be shouting these blessings from the rooftops!  There were so many videos created to tell the stories of so many who tried Texas barbeque, tried the drive-thru of restaurants, tried Ranch Dressing on their food, loved gas stations, bathrooms, shopping malls and the list goes on and on.  We have so much to be thankful for.

 

Here are a few to enjoy!

 

This is one is my favorite:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ft2mlNqHjYM&list=RDFt2mlNqHjYM&start_radio=1

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uotsyG6545s 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f8mbS6r_U4Y

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKP1KkIpC3Q  

Excuse  the “F” bombs. People get so excited.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtmFbZQZcsI     This one is kind of long but very interesting

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYtT3E9V8ts

 

It’s about time that we truly celebrate what a wonderful country we live in!!  It’s the 250^th anniversary of our independence and we are so blessed to be living here!!

 I love my country and will always support the Constitution of the United States!! Join me in doing the same thing!

 

 

Courageous Parents: Teenagers are Fun

 

            Teenagers are fun.  That statement draws a lot of attention.  Some parents are afraid of their teenagers, while others enjoy the time their children are in their teens.  It takes courageous parents to guide their teenage children through the pit falls and bumps in their early life. Teenagers are hanging on the eve of adulthood and it’s their last ditch effort to fulfill what they consider being “themselves”.  Many have passions about what they do and it shows in their actions. Others pass through quietly and contribute thoughtfully. One thing for sure, there is a lot more activity with a house full of teenaged children than with a house full of two year olds. Reflection and words of wisdom can help parents understand their teenage children so life runs smoother and safer especially those families of Christian/Judean ethics. 

Here are a few:

Parents Can Lay the Foundation: Children between the ages of 13 and 19 keep homes very invigorated and parents young as during adolescent time great changes take place in body and mind.  Parents should pay particular attention to what their teens do instead of turning a deaf ear to their activity. Granted, a two-year old will try to please his parents and for the most part, they go along with clothing choices, most foods to eat and bed time rules. But a teen causes parents to think through religious beliefs, moral judgments and why we should eat nutritious food for lunch instead of potato chips and soda pop. Teens, who are grounded in righteous endeavors typically will be more successful in this difficult world. Words of wisdom could never be truer from David B. Haight, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve, church leader for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (LDS) back in October of 1973.  He says: “Though the world is becoming more wicked, the youth of Christ’s church can become more righteous if they understand who they are, understand the blessings available, and understand the promises God has made to those who are righteous, who believe, who endure. All of our youth are entitled to and need this knowledge to combat the forces of deception that would lead them captive into darkness.”  (See: “You are Different”, David B. Haight, Ensign Magazine, November 1973. 3^rd paragraph)

Teens might think their parents are too strict with high morals but adolescent children know where they stand and that their parents’ care enough to enforce sensible values.

Teens Need Attention Too:   Some might consider teenagers very immature but there is a fine line to immaturity and just being fun.  A common characteristic of teenagers is the fact that many times, the whole world revolves around them and any negative situations they experience will go down in the history books as the worst occurrence of their lives.  (Even if they were the cause of it.)  Yes, they are the “drama queens and kings” of life, but their perspective is an interesting one. 

Granted some of our teens have had to endure some pretty awful experiences that did go down in the history books as the worst ever, for example, the Columbine High School shootings, but for the most part teens overreact in their quest for adulthood.  Parents need compassion and fairness in dealing with the life of their teen as well as attention to the details of their lives. They are not done with parenting a child after 13. This is where the courage to be a good parent comes in handy as we are entrusted to train our children to put their best foot forward.  From another LDS church leader, President David O. McKay who was quoted in Treasures of Life, (Deseret Book Company, 1965, p. 71.)

“What must the Lord think, then, of parents who, through their own negligence or willful desire to indulge their selfishness fail properly to rear their children, and thereby prove untrue to the greatest trust that has been given to human beings?” The teenage years can be some of the most difficult for a child and parents can be a great source of strength during those demanding times.

 Don’t Let Age Fool You:  Even though adolescents are old enough to take care of their physical needs, they are not always old enough to take care of their emotional needs.  Parents should be home when their teens are home.  Be there before school and after.  That gray area of life between childhood and adulthood takes a good listening ear and the foresight of a prophet.

 According to a Steinberg study in 1996 as related in an article “Depression and Suicide in Adolescents” by Cara Fausty, 1 in 3 adolescents has contemplated suicide and 1 in 6 adolescents have attempted suicide.  During the teenage years, there are such feelings of inadequacy and awkwardness that sometimes it’s hard to know how to handle in life.  Plus the fact that there are many external difficulties like parents divorcing or a separation of family, or a death of a loved one that it’s no wonder teens have a hard time coping.  From another church leader of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, President Ezra Taft Benson said at a conference in October of 1982, “The family is the most effective place to instill lasting values in its members. Where family life is strong and based on principles and practices of the gospel of Jesus Christ these problems do not as readily appear.”

Teens in their own right could be a great influence for doing good or a bad influence for getting into a lot of trouble.  With the help of parents, church youth leaders, teachers and friends, the life of a teen can be a positive experience for everyone involved as everyone should know: Teenagers are fun.

Seek for Things of a Better

 Every so often, while reading along in my scriptures, I find a verse that really talks to me.  This particular scripture comes from modern revelation (modern meaning post 1880 A.D.) 

 

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS Church) published a collection of revelations from God which were given to Joseph Smith between 1820 and 1846.  He is the first prophet of our modern dispensation and regarded these messages from God important for the early members of the Church to read and ponder. This book of revelations is called The Doctrine and Covenants and is divided into sections.

 

In section 25 of the Doctrine and Covenants, verse 10, we read these profound words “And verily I say until thee, that thou shalt lay aside the things of this world and seek for the things of a better.” This particular section was written for Emma Smith, Joseph’s wife but as a people of God we can benefit from this message as well.  The world is right in our faces telling us we need to make more money, buy more stuff, obtain more prestige, but would we really be happy if we attained all of this stuff and prestige?  I don’t think so. We don’t need to compete with the Jones across the street.  We don’t need to feel that we are better than others because of what we do or have.

 

There is always opposition pulling us down toward priorities which are less than favorable for a happy life.  Remembering the messages of those passengers on the planes and towers during the 9-11 tragedy, we learn that families and those we love are what truly is important. How we treat others in our day to day living is ultimately what makes us better. Kindness many times is pushed aside and our selfish “selves” moves ahead.

 

James Faust (LDS Church Leader) said it best: “A poor man can be selfish and a rich man generous, but a person obsessed only with getting will have a hard time finding peace in this life.” (Faust, James, “What’s in it for me?,” Ensign, October 2002)

 

The decisions we make each day have an effect on us as well. From a BYU fireside in November of 2005, President Thomas Monson, LDS Church President, gives us some words of wisdom:

“That evil one too has placed road signs to frustrate your progress and to lead you from the path of truth into detours of sin. His detours all lead to a dead end. Have you noticed his markers?

• Just this once won’t matter.

• It can’t hurt anyone but me.

• My love is mine to give; my life is mine to live.

• Times have changed.

 

Now we see what comes into focus: He who would lead us down waits patiently for a dark night, a wavering will, a confused conscience, a mixed-up mind. Are we prepared to make the decisions at the crossroads.

 

I can’t stress too strongly that decisions determine destiny. You can’t make eternal decisions without eternal consequences.” (See

https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2005-11-05-decisions-determine-destiny?lang=eng)

A good example of this was shown to me as a teacher.  Recently, I had the chance to help in a classroom with students who were abused or chose not to behave. After a long line of suspensions and expelling from their base school, this classroom was their last chance at success. For the most part these teens came from dysfunctional families where their parents were either in jail or didn’t care about them. Both the teacher and the aid had to help them understand that they had to make good decisions to be successful. It was measured in fifteen minute increments as they were marked on their behavior in a report. This was teaching them in baby steps how each decision they make builds on the next one.

 

Regardless of what had happened to them in their life, they knew they had to be successful in those baby steps to improve their life and eventually work their way out of this classroom.  It was very structured and most of them didn’t like it. Those who were successful had to do their school work, treat others kindly and prove that they can handle responsibility. I tried to teach them that being kind to each other was important and if they wanted to be treated well, they had to treat others well too.  It was such a basic, easy concept for most anyone to understand but by the end of my time with them, some students just didn’t get it or they didn’t think it was worth the effort. It’s a sad commentary for those who have not been taught to be kind or decide to live a better life.

 

Let us follow the Lord’s counsel and seek for the things of a better world. Inspiring ourselves to live unselfishly can help us find peace. It might take a thousand tiny, daily decisions but in the end it will be worth it.  As we think of this accomplishment, we will be able to stand proudly at that last day knowing we followed the Lord, and weren’t distracted by the Adversary’s road signs of destruction n.

Live After the Manner of Happiness

 As I have read through The Book of Mormon, I came across a verse that caught my attention more than the usual pondering.  As encouraged by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS Church) leaders, we try to read from the Book of Mormon every day. Actually, we are encouraged to read any scripture book any day whether it’s the Bible or Book of Mormon. This week I read 2^nd Nephi, chapter five verse twenty-seven which says: “And it came to pass that we lived after the manner of happiness.”  Nephi of old who is the one to leave his wealthy home in Jerusalem, build a ship and travel to the new world, then deal with ruthless brothers who wanted to kill him, says that “they lived after the manner of  happiness."

What is living “after the manner of happiness”? At times we can become weary living in our day-to-day routine. Millions of people have passed through this earth and lived hundreds of hours doing what they were meant to do in their own life. But were they happy doing it? I don’t know. I do know that God wants us to be happy. He wants us to live after the manner of happiness.

Many of us carry heavy burdens which can spoil or take away our happiness. There are trials and tribulations just like what Nephi went through but he still managed to live after the manner of happiness. How can we live after the manner of happiness in our homes with our families?  Dieter F. Uchtdorf, LDS Church leader gives us an idea.

Elder Uchtdorf poses the question: “What do you suppose is the greatest happiness possible?”  He says “it’s the same as God’s happiness” and went on to explain when God creates, He is happy. (See: Uchtdorf, Dieter F., Happiness, Your Heritage, Ensign, November 2008)   

I can take those words and apply them in my life and know when I design something, work on homemade projects, author more writings to share or invent a meal my family loves, these acts create happiness even through troubled times.

 We can create our own happy world around us.  Our world tells us to indulge ourselves and look within ourselves for happiness but this never works. We are social beings and in helping others we create our own happiness. When our mood is sour, nothing helps to lighten our day more than doing a good deed for someone else.

Find what is positive in your own life.  See the good in others when there is so much negative and ponder goodness in quiet times. I love this quote by an unknown author which says “The happiest people don’t have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything.”  So live after the manner of happiness as Nephi of old has counseled us to do. We can live through troubled times and still be positive and feel joy in life.

 

For The Strength of Everyone

 Hypocrisy! That’s what I call it, hypocrisy!  We teach our children from the “For The Strength of Youth” pamphlet (a set of standards to follow for our youth) but when we, as adults, become single ourselves many times we completely ignore what we teach our own children and do as we please. As adults we think we are above what we require of our children.  Some single adults think we don’t have to follow the same rules, but that is not true.         

      

Some single parents have taken a nose dive in moral integrity. Not that we should cast the first stone but as a parent we should set a good example for our children. Sometimes the temptation is just too much after having intimate relations with a spouse for so many years and they fall short of keeping the law of chastity.  Some let their guard down so as to let immorality into their lives even though they were worthy temple attendees when they were married.  (Being “temple worthy” means we follow a standard of the commandments of God) 

 Some single parents marry too soon after the loss of a spouse without some kind of spiritual confirmation because they were hurting so much; they wanted to fill a need.  Other single parents throw care to the wind and end up in compromising circumstances which they regret later.

It is difficult to be single after being married for so long. I have experienced this myself but we must be strong and stick to what the Lord has taught us about keeping ourselves worthy. It is the only way to have peace of mind and know the will of our Father in Heaven.   

 If you have never read the “For The Strength of Youth” pamphlet published by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, find one and read it. Not only read it but learn to follow it. It’s a great standard for life.

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The following is a review of what is most important in a single adult’s life from The Strength of Youth pamphlet. It’s kind of like “For the Strength of Single Adults.”

 

Agency and Accountability:

One of the first things our children learn from their church leaders is that they are accountable for their actions.  They have their agency but the choices they make are their own.  As the youth of this the LDS Church are accountable and have free agency, so are we as single adults. We are free to choose for ourselves but also know that we are accountable for our choices. This might seem like a simple a concept for our “old” adult minds but you would be surprised how many adults forget about this great principal of the gospel when they become single.

 

Gratitude:                                                                                                                        Nothing says ungrateful more than when someone who lives a gospel oriented life, doesn’t appreciate it.  As Americans, it is so easy to get sucked into thinking that we are miserable if we don’t have all the material possessions our neighbors and friends have. We compare ourselves with other people who seem to be in a “better” situation but when we can see for ourselves how blessed we are in the life we are living, we are happier and can be at peace.   

 

Dress and Appearance:

Just like it says in the Strength of Youth Pamphlet, our body is God’s sacred creation. We must remember we are under the same obligation as the youth to dress appropriately; even more so if we have gone through the temple. (Members with temple garments) We know what we have learned in the temple. When we get to the point that we want to attract a potential mate with the way we dress, (tight fitting clothes, low necklines and high skirts) we are making a big mistake. We are adults and must remember the appropriate dress for a covenant people.  Our bodies are temples unto the Lord and we should treat them as such; no pulling up garments to wear a shorter dress, no tucking in sleeves to wear a sleeveless blouse.  We have to dress as we have covenanted, and immodest clothing is not it.

 

Entertainment and the Media:

This is a delicate topic among adults.  We think if we are over 18, we can watch any “R” rated movie, read any book or magazine or look at any website on the internet without repercussions.  We think we don’t have anyone to answer to, but we do.  We have our temple recommends to think about.  If we have children at home with us, we have to set the example for them.  If they shouldn’t be watching “R” rated stuff, then we shouldn’t be watching it either.  Some of the “PG-13” stuff is almost as bad as we know how the rest of the world will push the envelope on what is included in “R” and “PG-13” rated entertainment.  Putting garbage into our heads is still garbage no matter what the rating.  We need to choose wisely what we watch.  Is it really the end of the world if we don’t watch something everybody else was watching?  Is it that terrible a thing to skip a big hit with great reviews when you know inappropriate material is being shown on the screen?  It’s all what you consider important in life.  We all have to make that decision, but life is a lot less complicated when we make the decision to do without and find other sources of entertainment more appropriate for the Lord’s people.     

Sexual Purity:

This particular topic is the most sensitive and probably the hardest task to accomplish after being married.  Let us remember what the Lord has said about keeping yourself chaste: “The Lord delights in the chastity of women.  And whoredoms are an abomination before me; thus said the Lord of Hosts”. Jacob 2:28

The Lord wants us to remember that which is most precious to women.  We have physical wants, especially after we are left alone from divorce or death of a spouse, but we must remember what the Lord expects of us and not our physical desires.

Repentance:

Placing the subject of repentance right after sexual purity was done on purpose.  We can repent of any sins we commit and become clean. The Savior suffered for us to become clean.  We can come back a member in good standing after we are forgiven. It has happened many times to many members, single or not.   We can have the comfort of knowing we are a part of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints if we humble ourselves and talk to our priesthood leaders.  We might have to forge ahead as we try to make our way back, but we must do it.  I have known several single adult members who lost their membership and did not have the support of their priesthood leaders because of their situation.  They fell through the cracks or some misunderstanding caused them to be on their own.  Eventually they somehow found the strength to make it back to the fold.  You should never feel that the road back to the Gospel of Jesus Christ is unattainable.  There are many people who can help you. There is no time you should ever feel that Heavenly Father does not want you to return to church.  Take the time to sit in Sacrament meeting and feel the Spirit and know that God loves you.  Work towards your membership and full blessings of the temple and you will feel so much joy in your life.

These are great words of wisdom in such a time as this. Reading through the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet can really help the youth of the church and their single parents. The message is clear for everyone: set the example for your children and take the high road.  Live a righteous life for your own sake.  Keep your life clean as Heavenly Father would want you to do. This will strengthen your own family and your spirit will be much happier.

Uplifting Movies Strengthen Families

 Real family entertainment is difficult to come by at times.  As a parent, we check to make sure whatever we watch, read or listen to is tame enough for our children. Raw language, over dramatized violence, and inappropriate relationships seem to be the norm in our culture. Sometimes, it’s even snuck into children’s full length feature cartoons. As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we pay particular attention to the rating, language content, and violence of movies as we have been admonished by our church leaders.

 How can we tell for ourselves and then guide our children on which movies are appropriate to watch as well as interesting AND show the correct example of moral principles? The movie making business unfortunately, for the most part, is not family friendly.

 Back in March 31, 1930, the Motion Picture Association of America approved what was called, "The Production Code". This code had three general principles.

           

 1. No picture shall be produced which will lower the moral standards of those who see it.

 2. Correct standards of life, subject only to the requirements of drama and entertainment, shall be presented.

 3. Law--divine, natural or human--shall not be ridiculed, nor shall sympathy be created for its violation.

 What a far cry that is to the kind of movies we have today. This type of entertainment has taken its toll on our attitudes in life. Did the movie “Pearl Harbor” truly portrays what happened in history or did it change the story a bit to smooth over relationships with other countries?   What about the movie “Titanic”?  How are we to feel compassion for Rose’s situation, when she runs away from her family and has sex with a guy she just met a few days before?  The historical recreations are changing what we normally visualize as evil for good and it is having a noticeable effect on our children.

In an NBC "In Depth" news report by Mike Belcher on October 19, 1995, teenagers of different backgrounds and lifestyles were questioned about what they watched at the theater.  To these adolescents, "violence was perceived as normal" and it was common to see "women in sexual situations".

Is this what the American public see in their everyday life?  I would say not.  But through the movies being produced today, we are reinforcing our own stereotypes.  We know that in our day-to-day life, most people never see the kind of violence that is shown in the films we watch at the theater.  Yet these violent, sex-ridden movies are popular and are supposedly reflect the kind of life we have in this country. 

In a speech delivered on May 5, 1995 to the University of Toronto, Canada, Michael Medved said, "We hear the cries of Hollywood, who say 'we are just reflecting reality, don't blame us'".  But as Mr. Medved points out "if the rate of murder from TV and movies were applied in reality, then in just 50 days, everyone in the United States would be killed."

 This is the kind of entertainment our youth are watching. Not only watching but playing games as well.    This is not reality but what other people want to characterize as good entertainment.  What kind of future will we have with this reinforcement of a false reality?

A report from U.S. News and World Report, September 11, 1995 said "a psychologist, Leonard Eron of the University of Michigan's Institute for Social Research, has tracked 650 New York children from 1960 to the present, looking at viewing habits and behavior.  Those who watched the most violent television as youngsters grew up to engage in the most aggressive behavior as adults, from spouse abuse to drunk driving."

 Thinking of the most popular films of the day, the future looks pretty bleak.  But it doesn't have to be that way.  We can choose to watch family oriented movies that are entertaining too.  In fact according to what Michael Medved said in his speech, "the G and PG rated movies have done better on average than the R-rated movies by a ratio of more than two to one."  This was before the PG-13 rating came out.  As parents, it is up to us to keep tabs on the movies our children watch.  An “R” rated movie should be a warning sign for inappropriate watching material.

 At times we seem to swing back and forth in our praising of Hollywood from good family entertainment like the movie Wicked, Zootopia or Sarah's Oil to the violence of  Mad Max Saga, Deadpool or Wolverine? Somehow we have to get the message across to those making films that families want good movies with descent moral values and no gratuitous violence.  Let the good be portrayed as good and the evil be evil.  Uplifting movies will strengthen families in a positive way.  Our future depends on it.