Premarital Sex: Why Couples Should Wait.....

Part 1 of a 3 Part Series.....

Just recently I was reading from several different online websites of open discussions about whether couples should wait until they are married to sleep together or get right on with it. There are many opinions which surfaced and I was somewhat shocked with some of the answers.

For example: the question of “What good reason is there not to be intimate before being married?” was raised on Goodreads.com. 

by GregoryJordan.org

My answer was as follows: “What? The intimacy between a man and women bonds them together like nothing else on earth. You become one and if you sleep around with different partners it messes with your psyche. It causes insecurity and girls are just being used. Don't get sucked up into the media hype that sleeping around is fun. It is very difficult to protect from emotional tug of war. It causes a lot of emotional and physical problems including sexually transmitted diseases. Also no protection against pregnancy is 100%. You are playing with a child's life here. Is that enough reason not to?”

What followed was a whole discussion on this topic which posted opinions from it's no big deal to sleep with someone to a talk about the importance of being married.

On September 24^th 2012 there was an article posted on The Guardian by Jill Filipovic called “Why Sex Before Marriage is the Moral Thing To Do”. Any self-respecting parent would double take on that title and wonder where in the world did Jill Filipovic get that idea from?

As the article reads, Ms. Filipovic explains her ideals by giving opinions and “supporting facts” for her argument which are not backed up by any research or study.  The laughable statement that “95% of all Americans” have sex before marriage is unbelievable and that in her grandmother’s generation, nine out of ten couples did participate in sex before marriage.  I don't believe that for a minute.

I found my source of back up for what I believe:

In a new study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, researchers surveyed about 600 U.S. couples who were either married or cohabiting and found that couples who had waited longer to have sexual relations reported having better relationships.  

The study also found that the women who had sex within the first month of their relationship reported having less satisfying current relationships than the women who delayed sex, and the women who waited at least six months were the happiest of all.

The researchers from Cornell University stated, “A strong sexual desire may thwart the development of other key ingredients of a healthy relationship such as commitment, mutual understanding or shared values.”

Researchers also stated that “Good sex is sometimes confused with love; some couples overlook problematic aspects of their relationship that ultimately matter more in the long run.”

These findings support the advice many parents give to their daughters and that until recently virtually all societies reinforced—that once individuals in a relationship become physically intimate, it is often difficult to clearly judge the quality of the relationship or the character of one’s partner.  This is because when hormones are raging, judgment can be impaired. 

Research on a human hormone called oxytocin done primarily over the past decade also supports the wisdom of adhering to traditional values with regard to premarital sex.  In females, oxytocin acts to bond a mother to her baby during breastfeeding.  A woman’s body also produces oxytocin when she has sex, causing her to feel bonded to her sexual partner.  If a woman’s sexual partner is only looking for casual sex with no true commitment, a woman, particularly a young woman, may suffer emotional distress and even depression because her hormones cause her to desire a long-term commitment with her partner.

In addition, promiscuous sexual behavior, especially among adolescents whose brains are still developing, can actually alter brain development in ways that can make it more difficult for them to form long-term committed relationships and have successful marriages.  Most girls are completely unaware of how their bodies are hardwired and how sexual behavior may affect their brains and their future patterns of behavior. 

So not only are relationships better when sex is delayed as the Cornell study shows, but girls and women are happier when they delay sex until they are in committed relationships. 

The Cornell researchers advise, “Courtship is a time for exploration and decision-making about the relationship, when partners assess compatibility, make commitments and build on emotional and physical intimacy.  The rapid entry into sexual relationships may, however, cut short this process, setting the stage for ’sliding’ rather than ’deciding’ to enter co-habiting unions.”

There are some clear lessons here for developed nations and especially for developing countries. The biology of the human body, including the way our brains develop and the way our bodies produce hormones, does not necessarily change just because a society’s values or standards change.  In virtually all the developed nations the increasingly serious social problems they are confronting can be largely attributed to the breakdown in families as traditional family values are not just being ignored but often ridiculed.  There is an obvious connection.

As we have frequently reported, many developing countries are under increasing pressure from developed countries to change their laws and customs to accommodate elements of the “sexual rights agenda” and other so called “enlightened policies” that promote promiscuous behavior thereby undermining traditional family values.  

A major part of the work that Family Watch does at the international level is to help these developing nations resist this pressure from the developed countries that are trying to export their failed policies that have proven to lead to more problems, not less.

            So not only are relationships better when sex is delayed as the Cornell study shows, but girls and women are happier when they delay sex until they are in committed relationships. 

The Cornell researchers advise, “Courtship is a time for exploration and decision-making about the relationship, when partners assess compatibility, make commitments and build on emotional and physical intimacy.  The rapid entry into sexual relationships may, however, cut short this process, setting the stage for ’sliding’ rather than ’deciding’ to enter co-habiting unions."

I couldn't agree more!!!

So my case rests!!!!   For every woman who wants to have a healthy, happy relationship with a man--take my advice and get married.  It's much better for all involved.....