Kindness Counts: Bullying is Unacceptable

 Ldsliving.com posted a story about bullying at church a few years ago.  I was mortified to read the details of this post as it made me feel sick to my stomach that children from families of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS Church) would do such a thing to each other in a church setting. If those who profess to be Christians are resorting to such behavior at church, how are they going to learn to treat others outside of church? 

 

It was heart wrenching to me to read many of the 149 comments posted after this story and wondered to myself what can we do as parents and church leaders about this growing inappropriate behavior at a place we call a house of worship?

(See:  http://www.ldsliving.com/story/76598-the-sad-truth-about-bullying-at-church?utm_source=ldsliving&utm_medium=email )

 

This bullying kind of behavior from adults and children need to stop and the perfect place we can start is at home. What kind of parent treats their own children unkindly?  What example can we set to help our children learn the importance of treating everyone with kindness as Christ would?  No matter how thick a skin we think we have, being mocked and ridiculed hurts and stays with us for a very long time. As a youth leader in my church, I have paid attention to the actions of other youth and realized their ideas come from home.

 1. Teach kindness at home: This is an ongoing lesson for many parents to teach their children but there are some insights you can show them to help them understand how hurtful they can be to others.

 A great family activity is to help children and parents understand the hurtfulness of name calling. Start with drawing of a person on paper. Life size or smaller, it does not matter. Name this person on paper. Then allow your children to write rude and inconsiderate words they would hear at school or church on this paper. Crinkle the paper up as if to throw it away and then open it up and flatten it out.  Discuss how others feel when they hear these words and relate it to the crinkled paper.  There are deep hurts involved and they are difficult to remove as the wrinkles in the paper are difficult to remove. Then create another person on paper and write kind and loving words on it. The kind of words we would like to hear.  Compliments, positive thoughts and other good words are to be included and commit each family member to try to use these words instead of the hurtful ones.

 2. Demand a “no-pranks rule” from leaders: Boys’ and girls’ camp are activities our youth look forward to every year. Youth Conference is also a special time for youth. What could be a wonderful experience for many youth can turn very ugly when pranks are played out at these activities.  I have seen this with my own eyes and what might seem harmless in the beginning will end up as the worst experience of summer camp or youth conference. Declare a prank free week during their activity and help leaders understand the importance of keeping this time prank free. Help them to understand how hurtful they are.  This is one of the “foolish traditions of our fathers” we hear so much about in scriptures. What good comes from scaring the wits out of someone, wetting beds with pitchers of water, blowing fog horns to wake everyone up in the middle of the night or a host of many other “tricks” youth or leaders play on each other?  No good can come from these activities.

 From one father: “The most enjoyable, successful, and spiritual camps that we know of have been those where my wife has been involved and pranks have been ‘outlawed’. There always seems to be hard feelings, at least at first, because some of the youth, their parents, and even some leaders take it personally or think no one will have any fun without any pranks or what I would call bullying (such as segregation by age, ward, or level). This has never been the case. Everyone has always had a much more enjoyable time without the immature pranks and stupidity.” Leaders would be wise in our youth activities to create a rule which is proactive in using no pranks at all.

 3. Council with Church Leaders: When problems arise, talk to Church leaders about what has happened and how this can be prevented or improved. With open lines of communication between leaders and parents bullying or unkind actions can be stopped. If you are a leader at church, then it’s in the best interest of the safety of our youth to take complaints seriously. There are different kinds of bullying including being excluded form the group. Those who struggle to feel welcome at church are often ignored but through the kindness of others can be included and made to feel comfortable.

 Joseph Worthlin, an LDS Church leader, spoke of kindness in life. He said “Kindness is the essence of a celestial life. Kindness is how a Christ-like person treats others.”

 (See: Worthlin, Joseph, “The Virtue of Kindness.” Ensign, May 2005)

 If church leaders and parents keep kindness as their watch word to guide youth in activities and classes, then this ugliness of bullying will stop.

 4. Remember our Greatest Example: The best example we can ever use with youth, parents and leaders is our Savior, Jesus Christ. He has set the precedent for kindness. From Joseph Worthlin’s talk again he says: “Jesus, our Savior, was the epitome of kindness and compassion. He healed the sick. He spent much of His time ministering to the one or many. He spoke compassionately to the Samaritan woman who was looked down upon by many. He instructed His disciples to allow the little children to come unto Him. He was kind to all who had sinned, condemning only the sin, not the sinner. He kindly allowed thousands of Nephites (people of the Book of Mormon) to come forward and feel the nail prints in His hands and feet. Yet His greatest act of kindness was found in His atoning sacrifice, thus freeing all from the effects of death, and all from the effects of sin, on conditions of repentance.

 There is no reason for unkindness anywhere especially at church where everyone professes to emulate the life of Christ. As Christians, we are all trying our best to live a good life and make good choices. Mixing in a bully’s torment to others is not a Christ-like life style. Bullying is unacceptable.

Parents with Moral Values Make Good Caretakers

 Over the past few years, an anti-family trend has developed in the European Union. This anti-family trend has affected parents who are attempting to teach moral ideals and religious practices to their children. The question has arisen to many there: Do moral parents make good caretakers?

In Europe, we can read of many examples of parents teaching their children religious and moral values. These instituted governments deny these parents rights to teach their children the importance of marriage between a man and women, bringing more children into the world and forcing certain health practices. Parents should be allowed to teach their children high moral values such as honesty, integrity and kindness as it is their God given right.

Sharon Slater, a family advocate who wrote, Stand for the Family, tells us: “These fundamental institutions and values that are so critical to any society are under increasing attack by UN agencies and treaties, unelected activist judges, politicians, special interest groups, much of the media and popular entertainment.”

Members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints have been encouraged by their leaders to teach and train their children to know moral, righteous values in word and indeed. From Elder Quentin L. Cook (One of 12 called apostles of the Lord) said in a General Conference talk of the LDS Church in October 2012:

“Parents, the days are long past when regular, active participation in Church meetings and programs, though essential, can fulfill your sacred responsibility to teach your children to live moral, righteous lives and walk uprightly before the Lord. With President Monson’s announcement this morning, (young men and young women age change to fill full time missions) it is essential that this be faithfully accomplished in homes which are places of refuge where kindness, forgiveness, truth, and righteousness prevail.

Parents must have the courage to filter or monitor Internet access, television, movies, and music. Parents must have the courage to say no, defend truth, and bear powerful testimony. Your children need to know that you have faith in the Savior, love your Heavenly Father, and sustain the leaders of the Church.”

Our world is losing the ideal of righteous behavior and our society is feeling the effects of that loss. With countless studies of information supporting the idea that parents should be teaching, persuading and demonstrating kindness, forgiveness and courage to their children, our society is moving away from that model. We need to remind ourselves how important this parental task is in our modern world.

President Thomas S. Monson, President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints said at the General Conference of the Church in April of 2008, “It is our duty to live our lives in such a way that we may be examples of righteousness.”

Our whole society is based on the goodness of others and how we treat each other.  If our children are not securely taught what is right from parents, our society will become violent and cruel, show a great decline for the work ethic and increase in foul language and disrespect for their elders. With positive teaching of moral responsibility, parents will save society from disintegration.

So to answer that question from the European Union: Yes, moral parents make wonderful caretakers and by training their children in righteousness, we help our society stay intact.

Miracles Still Happen

 In preparing for my daughter’s return from her 18-month mission years ago, we had been helping her accomplish her plans of going back to school. There were some stumbling blocks along the way but with determination and lots of prayer, we have accomplished this feat with many miracles.

 First, we live in Alabama and she had been accepted into Brigham Young University on the Idaho campus where she started her degree before her mission. We needed to get her there to start school on September 14^th.  With a limited budget for travel, we managed to find an airline ticket for under $200 to Salt Lake City and a ride from my brother’s house in Kaysville (30 miles from Salt Lake City) to Rexburg, Idaho where the school is located.

Next, we needed was to find a way to pay for her semester. After applying for a grant, she was able to acquire enough money for tuition and books for her schooling in the fall. All she had to do was to find a job when she got there and she would be on her way.

 The last requirement was to find a place for her to live. Many of the apartments were already full, but with a few last minute suggestions, we found a nice place that was still available for rent which also gave her a discount because of her mission service and it had a vegetable garden growing on the property shared by the students.  Wow. That was amazing. Miracles still happen.

Years ago, I needed two names to be cleared to take to the temple. For members of  The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints (LDS Church), we research family members that have passed on and then seal them together as a family by the power of the holy priesthood. There are some qualifications which apply, namely the person we do the work for must be born over 110 years ago otherwise we have to ask special permission. 

When my nephew found my grandparents’ two children who passed away before a year old on the newly digitalized indexed New York Death Index, I wanted to seal them together.  My grandparents had lost 5 of their 6 children when they were babies during the 1920’s because of a family illness that was passed on through our family line. It was a difficult time for my grandparents. but because of the sealing power of the priesthood, we could seal those children to them for eternity.

 I applied for permission to seal them together and then found out it took almost a month to get permission back by email. With so many people all applying for permission at the same time the family history department told me it would take a miracle to get the email back in one day. I was planning a trip to our local temple that week, which was four hours away, but with no permission I would have to wait. The next day I checked my email and there was the permission to seal them together done in one day.  Miracles still happen.

As a people, we all have read or heard of the miracles from biblical times.  These are widely accepted as truths but in today’s world this is not always the case.

 From a talk given in April of 2001 LDS Church General Conference, Sydney S. Reynolds said this: “I believe that all of us can bear witness to these small miracles. We know children who pray for help to find a lost item and find it. We know of young people who gather the courage to stand as a witness of God and feel His sustaining hand. We know friends who pay their tithing (10% donation to the LDS Church) with the last of their money and then, through a miracle, find themselves able to pay their tuition or their rent or somehow obtain food for their family.” (See: Reynolds, Sydney S., “A God of Miracles,” Ensign, May, 2001)

 Miracles do happen today but we have to have faith in Jesus Christ to believe that if we put forth the effort and keep trying that all will work out for our good. This has been proven to be true so many times in many people’s lives.

 From our modern revelation, Doctrine and Covenants we read:

“8 For I am God, and mine arm is not shortened; and I will show miracles, signs, and wonders, unto all those who believe on my name.

 9 And whoso shall ask it in my name in faith, they shall cast out devils; they shall heal the sick; they shall cause the blind to receive their sight, and the deaf to hear, and the dumb to speak, and the lame to walk.

 10 And the time speedily cometh that great things are to be shown forth unto the children of men;” (D&C: 35:8-10)

 God does not want us to be hopeless and give up.  He wants us to try and keep trying. Miracles still happen today and every day. We need to remember when we have experienced miracles because that encourages us to be grateful. It is a great blessing to experience God's power in our life.